Saturday, 17 October 2020

From My Lockdown Notebook: Outsiderness,

 

I often say to writers that the only place for a writer is on the outside of everything. These days more than ever we are on the outside – of any aspiration to normal life. So it is no wonder that the following has emerged from a starting point in my notebook.

In this prolonged period of isolation my notebook is my best friend. In it I have scrawled impressions, thoughts, and feelings which turn up in an almost random fashion. Occasionally I turn the pages, pick up an idea and work on it in a more focused fashion. Working and moulding this into something more distinct and possibly distinctive is a writer’s active pleasure.


Outsiderness

 Being the third child of four

I was bred to be an outsider.

Being the new child from a far town

I was labelled outsider.

Talking with the wrong tone

I was seen as a verbal outsider.

Being the cleverest child in the class

taught me to be an outsider.

Working alongside men

I was the female outsider.

Writing things down

I became a mendacious outsider.

Living with a man who doesn’t see

I am a married outsider.

Living on through old age

I am the ultimate outsider

To others on the planet

I remain an outsider.

But now it seems I am

at the centre

of my own outside world

*****.



Also see my novel  The Bad Child 

which emerged from these same feelings of Outsiderness some years ago.

  I find I am nothing if not consistent.

 

'As her life begins to unravel Dee tells us her own story - how she begins to rescue herself  from her own life. But she’s not alone on her journey. Travelling with her is a woman who throws pots and a dog called Rufus. Then there are Dee's drawing books and the characters she's met in the stories she has read…'



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