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| Sand Aslan |
makes a brand new tide of pebbles
tea from flasks in stainless steel
cigarettes in slackened fingers
Sisters, brothers, all garnered
guile and innocence
paw down sand in rusty tins
Sharpened spears of twice-used wood.
pierce the sand-scapes
(This is a new one. I am stll working on it...as you see W)
I love the new poem that you are working on, Wendy. The first line with its strong alliteration makes you want to read on. It paints a vivid picture of the beach and we see a strong contrast between nature in the first stanza and the everyday life of the human occupants in the second. I love the picture and also the title 'Aslan in South Shields'. Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteThank you Geri. You get my intention here. It's still to refine. My favourite line so far 'cigarettes in slackened fingers'. wx
ReplyDeleteYes - 'cigarettes in slackened fingers' really gives the idea of relaxation as the people sitting on the beach try to de-stress and the alliteration in:
Delete....stainless steel
Cigarettes in slackened fingers..
emphasises this quite strongly. It is really working well.
Love the crossings out! Just like a notebook. And I like the cigarettes in slackened fingers too.
ReplyDelete